i used to want to date a rich guy. You know, the type that lived in one of those villages with huge houses and had his own nice car and stuff.

Yesterday a friend of mine invited me to a party in his house (which just so happened to be in one of such villages).

I went and it really wasn't my crowd.

If you weren't there to smoke or drink, you'd get bored.

Guess who got bored. Me.

Rich kids. Blah. No thanks.

I seriously don't want to do anything. Not even my project. Yes, that's how bla I feel right now.

I'm sick of reading teen romances. I'm sick of watching chick flicks. I'm sick of always hearing of how the weird girl gets the dude because in this world, we really don't.

Everyone around is either in love, falling in love, in a relationship, you get the picture.

And I have to wonder what I'm doing wrong.

I don't really think there's anything so wrong with me that actually repels guys but I guess there has to be something wrong.

Don't get me wrong, I get along with guys, but that's the point. They all look at me as if I were just another boy. I'm always the best friend (or quite recently, the practice girlfriend) but never the girl friend.

They tease me about how other guys probably like me but I can't even name one.

I never really wanted a boyfriend as much as I do now and it's a sucky feeling.

But take note, I'm just saying WANT. I don't need one. So I'm not desperate and not looking.

It's just getting really damn lonely.

Okay so everyone knows that living here in the Philippines, Manila to be precise, means weather that is almost never cold. It's always hot.

Yesterday was no different. So I wore shorts.

I went out with people from Church, frisbee then a movie. Supposedly a movie.

I was telling my "cousin", he's actually my third cousin so that's pretty far, how my first week of college was going.

I think I was at the part where I mention I was bugging an upperclassman without knowing he was an upperclassman because he was my classmate where he started implying that what I was doing was a form of flirting.

What the heck. I was not flirting. There's a difference between flirting and being friendly. I was being friendly because I'm sick of people thinking of me as a snob.

At the end of his verbose and very unnecessary sermon, he adds "and wear longer shorts next time."

HELLO! My mom wouldn't let me out of the house if she thought my shorts were too short. She doesn't even think they're short at all.

I'm so sick of this cousin acting as if he has the right and obligation to tell me what I can't and can't wear. What I can and can't say or do.

He's not my Dad. He's not my boyfriend.

So yeah, I was talking to my sister who's there right now. She said that prayerfully I'll be able to go and visit her sometime during my sem break this October-November or next April-May.

I hope this pushes through. I was supposed to go this year after high school graduation but a lot of things came up. Well whatever.

Only time will tell if it'll push through. Dramatic much. haha.